How I Ended Up On A Psychiatric Inpatient Unit

Friday the 9th January 2018

What Happened Leading Up To This Date
I were doing really well in every aspect of my life. I were really happy thoroughly enjoying my life in the countryside with my therapy dog Molly , taking for her walks in different parts of the surrounding countryside all within a ten minute reach of my home . I recall the only negative thing that occurred were I lost my job in events around the end of Christmas/beginning of January , a job I thoroughly enjoyed and which I always put 110% into everything I did at various locations in Manchester , mainly event city in Trafford Park .

Crashing Down

On Friday the 19th of January of 2018 I impulsive took an overdose of my medication , a combination of Quetiapine and Promethazine , subsequently an ambulance was called and I were taken to Blackburn Hospital where I were monitored and transferred to a ward .

The following day I were assessed by two nurses from the crisis team , I explained to them I don’t know what happened I was really happy and then I came crashing down , I also explained to them that I’ve been hearing voices and having intrusive intense thoughts to harm and kill others and that I wish the overdosed had killed me , the two nurses said I needed to be placed on a section , but of course with it being the weekend their were no beds . So I jus had to stay on the ward under constant observation until their were bed availability , I couldn’t help feeling like a fraud sat amongst really sick elderly patients and in the knowledge that if their were a bed another really sick patient could of had mine , but I knew it wasn’t my fault , as the bed shortage crisis is just getting worse and worse each and every year .

Punishing Myself

On the ward at Blackburn I had stopped eating completely and began to vomit constantly , so i were prescribed nourishment drinks which can only be given by a qualified healthcare professional for those who are malnourished , have an eating disorder or are unable to eat solid food .

January the 22nd 2018

I were informed that a bed has become available for me on the Shakespeare Ward at the Harbour Hospital in Blackpool , my only massive feeling of relief were knowing I’m going to the best hospital in Lancashire , I were there previously in 2016 and it’s a really supportive therapeutic unit .
I were placed on level two observation levels which means patients that are on these are checked every 10 mins . I were for the first week going so light headed and dizzy , I felt so close to passing out , on one dizzy spell as I were falling down I banged my head . I felt so incredibly weak I were shuffling tiny little steps everywhere like and elderly lady , holding onto every chair and wall so I didn’t fall again , the wall walk was very supportive holding me up all of the time .

I’ve had a few self harming incidents .

I am still detained under the mental health act and I still want to end my life .

My diagnosis is that of Bipolar Disorder , emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder & anxiety . I over the past two or three years have also developed increasing anxiety surrounding food , and now because i want to die as a form of punishing myself it’s got to the point where I am not eating at all .

Blogging Is Therapy

Ive always had a passion for writing , and blogging for some can be like an online public diary . I write to raise awareness of ill mental health & sometimes I will publish posts like this to give an insight to what it’s like to live with a mental illness . My illness stem from pregnancy , hence the aptly named title of Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood . If you would like a real insight into an acute mental health ward , I also have a Facebook page filled with lots of live videos , here is the link – Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood .

I will end this piece with the inspiration behind my blog & everything I do .

Taliana

Becky

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Not again 

My Facebook page , which I also blog from .

I’ve recently noticed that my Bipolar goes in a continued cycle , and what I mean by that is , recently I’ve fallen somewhat mentally ill again these past few weeks , starting from just before my birthday (22/08/91) , I had a great birthday though , and it all came crashing down a week after my birthday , & I guess this prompted me to suddenly have the following lightbulb moment , it dawned on me that I am usually in hospital around the same months every year , just from memory I’ve had an admission , last March & also around March in 2014 & October , January & February this year and last Christmas , & I recall being in hospital twice in august but not this year . My most recent admission being May this year & a week ago I endure the 136 suite , I’m glad I’ve recognised this , every couple of months pattern , it may prove useful in the future . 

I’m still totally unsure why it all came crashing down shortly after my birthday , I were feeling very happy , had even secured my self some work , so I was feeling really proud of myself & generally happy , and were blissfully unaware of anything untoward or of any triggers that may of been coming my way . I guess thinking reflecting upon this , I was hurting as I was acheing to see my daughter on my Birthday , but apart from that nothing major , but none the less I crashed down with an almighty THUD , Whithin an hour or that happy , carefree , confident becky had gone , and I felt a sudden HIT of despair , suicidal feelings , paranoi , and I was hearing the odd voice or two  . 

I guess I’m unsure of what caused it this time because I guess that’s what bipolar does goes round and round in cycles , I were ill in March – May October -November mostly august , & sometimes January & may this year, all requiring a hospital setting to some extent .

And now I’m in the depressive phase . 

I’m interested to know other peoples Bipolar cycles , & coping strategies , as you can see at severe times of distress , I often resort to burning myself …

If you would like to share your story on how you cope with severe mood swings , then you can , 

email me @ rebbeccaclarvis@outlook.com .

Becky …

Bipolar again ….

Hey everyone these past couple of days i haven’t felt very well at all with my emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder & my Bipolar disorder . I’m putting it down to my ex partner who is still living with me & that’s caused me a great deal of distress lately. Also my phone bill has been cut off , so I haven’t got any one to talk to , apart from him . I hate ringing the crisis team , but now I haven’t even got that option , so I’m just chilling, trying to take it easy ….

Much love ❤️ 

Happy blogging 

Becky