How I Ended Up On A Psychiatric Inpatient Unit

Friday the 9th January 2018

What Happened Leading Up To This Date
I were doing really well in every aspect of my life. I were really happy thoroughly enjoying my life in the countryside with my therapy dog Molly , taking for her walks in different parts of the surrounding countryside all within a ten minute reach of my home . I recall the only negative thing that occurred were I lost my job in events around the end of Christmas/beginning of January , a job I thoroughly enjoyed and which I always put 110% into everything I did at various locations in Manchester , mainly event city in Trafford Park .

Crashing Down

On Friday the 19th of January of 2018 I impulsive took an overdose of my medication , a combination of Quetiapine and Promethazine , subsequently an ambulance was called and I were taken to Blackburn Hospital where I were monitored and transferred to a ward .

The following day I were assessed by two nurses from the crisis team , I explained to them I don’t know what happened I was really happy and then I came crashing down , I also explained to them that I’ve been hearing voices and having intrusive intense thoughts to harm and kill others and that I wish the overdosed had killed me , the two nurses said I needed to be placed on a section , but of course with it being the weekend their were no beds . So I jus had to stay on the ward under constant observation until their were bed availability , I couldn’t help feeling like a fraud sat amongst really sick elderly patients and in the knowledge that if their were a bed another really sick patient could of had mine , but I knew it wasn’t my fault , as the bed shortage crisis is just getting worse and worse each and every year .

Punishing Myself

On the ward at Blackburn I had stopped eating completely and began to vomit constantly , so i were prescribed nourishment drinks which can only be given by a qualified healthcare professional for those who are malnourished , have an eating disorder or are unable to eat solid food .

January the 22nd 2018

I were informed that a bed has become available for me on the Shakespeare Ward at the Harbour Hospital in Blackpool , my only massive feeling of relief were knowing I’m going to the best hospital in Lancashire , I were there previously in 2016 and it’s a really supportive therapeutic unit .
I were placed on level two observation levels which means patients that are on these are checked every 10 mins . I were for the first week going so light headed and dizzy , I felt so close to passing out , on one dizzy spell as I were falling down I banged my head . I felt so incredibly weak I were shuffling tiny little steps everywhere like and elderly lady , holding onto every chair and wall so I didn’t fall again , the wall walk was very supportive holding me up all of the time .

I’ve had a few self harming incidents .

I am still detained under the mental health act and I still want to end my life .

My diagnosis is that of Bipolar Disorder , emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder & anxiety . I over the past two or three years have also developed increasing anxiety surrounding food , and now because i want to die as a form of punishing myself it’s got to the point where I am not eating at all .

Blogging Is Therapy

Ive always had a passion for writing , and blogging for some can be like an online public diary . I write to raise awareness of ill mental health & sometimes I will publish posts like this to give an insight to what it’s like to live with a mental illness . My illness stem from pregnancy , hence the aptly named title of Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood . If you would like a real insight into an acute mental health ward , I also have a Facebook page filled with lots of live videos , here is the link – Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood .

I will end this piece with the inspiration behind my blog & everything I do .

Taliana

Becky

Advertisements

Captured In The Moment The Day I secured My First Job At 25

” Work training complete πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ Time sheets in my bag , I can start straight away πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ . It doesn’t seem real . After battling with severe & fluctuating ill mental health , I’ve finally with baby steps bagged my 1st ever job , that fits perfectly around my still at times fluctuating needs . So fucking proud of myself , I didn’t think I could do it , & I’ve only just gone & done it πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€”

My amazing Daughters

The one on the top is the one I’ve brought up as my own since a baby , so she will always be My Daughter to me , & I’ll always treat them both equally, biologically mine or not . I’ll always treat her the same as my biological Daughter. They are my world & I’m incredibly proud of them both. Particularly the eldest , she’s come such a long way & she’s grown so much in confidence . I’m so proud & privileged to be able to say that I’ve been able to , play the role of Mother to her .

Happy Blogging .

Love Becky xx

Feeling the Fear ….

I’m Fundraising For The N.S.P.C.C by doing my nearby Charity Fun Run . In the link is my just giving page . 

It’s a charity that’s close to my heart , i have always had this burning desire to give something back , i too suffered abuse & rape as a child , I need , I must so what great way …  With my social anxiety, personality disorder, & rapid cycling Bipolar, I’m struggling to do the most basic of things let alone a daunting run with strangers in a City I’ve barely visited & all those people, but my partner will be their and he’s being a great personal trainer πŸ’ͺ🏽 πŸ™‚ 

Im also feeling very excited, maybe it’s something I can tick of my bucket list πŸ‘ŒπŸ»