Admission To An Acute Psychiatric Unit

Friday the 9th January 2018

What Happened Leading Up To This Date
I were doing really well in every aspect of my life. I were really happy thoroughly enjoying my life in the countryside with my therapy dog Molly , taking for her walks in different parts of the surrounding countryside all within a ten minute reach of my home . I recall the only negative thing that occurred were I lost my job in events around the end of Christmas/beginning of January , a job I thoroughly enjoyed and which I always put 110% into everything I did at various locations in Manchester , mainly event city in Trafford Park .

Crashing Down

On Friday the 19th of January of 2018 I impulsive took an overdose of my medication , a combination of Quetiapine and Promethazine , subsequently an ambulance was called and I were taken to Blackburn Hospital where I were monitored and transferred to a ward .

The following day I were assessed by two nurses from the crisis team , I explained to them I don’t know what happened I was really happy and then I came crashing down , I also explained to them that I’ve been hearing voices and having intrusive intense thoughts to harm and kill others and that I wish the overdosed had killed me , the two nurses said I needed to be placed on a section , but of course with it being the weekend their were no beds . So I jus had to stay on the ward under constant observation until their were bed availability , I couldn’t help feeling like a fraud sat amongst really sick elderly patients and in the knowledge that if their were a bed another really sick patient could of had mine , but I knew it wasn’t my fault , as the bed shortage crisis is just getting worse and worse each and every year .

Punishing Myself

On the ward at Blackburn I had stopped eating completely and began to vomit constantly , so i were prescribed nourishment drinks which can only be given by a qualified healthcare professional for those who are malnourished , have an eating disorder or are unable to eat solid food .

January the 22nd 2018

I were informed that a bed has become available for me on the Shakespeare Ward at the Harbour Hospital in Blackpool , my only massive feeling of relief were knowing I’m going to the best hospital in Lancashire , I were there previously in 2016 and it’s a really supportive therapeutic unit .
I were placed on level two observation levels which means patients that are on these are checked every 10 mins . I were for the first week going so light headed and dizzy , I felt so close to passing out , on one dizzy spell as I were falling down I banged my head . I felt so incredibly weak I were shuffling tiny little steps everywhere like and elderly lady , holding onto every chair and wall so I didn’t fall again , the wall walk was very supportive holding me up all of the time .

I’ve had a few self harming incidents .

I am still detained under the mental health act and I still want to end my life .

My diagnosis is that of Bipolar Disorder , emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder & anxiety . I over the past two or three years have also developed increasing anxiety surrounding food , and now because i want to die as a form of punishing myself it’s got to the point where I am not eating at all .

Blogging Is Therapy

Ive always had a passion for writing , and blogging for some can be like an online public diary . I write to raise awareness of ill mental health & sometimes I will publish posts like this to give an insight to what it’s like to live with a mental illness . My illness stem from pregnancy , hence the aptly named title of Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood . If you would like a real insight into an acute mental health ward , I also have a Facebook page filled with lots of live videos , here is the link – Mental Health support worldwide and support in pregnancy & motherhood .

I will end this piece with the inspiration behind my blog & everything I do .

Taliana

Becky

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Dance For Comic Relief Facebook Live

Dance For Conic Relief

I have a fab idea to raise money for comic relief through Facebook live while in hospital battling mental illness , as I am aware that some of the funds have and do go to people , and support agencies in the uk to those suffering with their mental ill health . Many of you have/do suffer with ill mental health or know of someone that does . And even if you don’t , it’s good to all support and be there for one another , even if you just share this post with everyone . THANK YOU πŸ€— .

*DETAILS*

I’ll be doing a sponsored Facebook live Dance for Comic relief , I’ll be hoping to get others to join in too . You don’t have to know how to dance or be confident , you could just give us a smile or a wave , or show off your Comic Relief Red Noses . If you can’t be here in person , just sit back and laugh at us πŸ”΄πŸ˜‚πŸ”΄ .

Let’s do something funny for money and try to make a real difference .

Dance For Comic Relief

My amazing Daughters

The one on the top is the one I’ve brought up as my own since a baby , so she will always be My Daughter to me , & I’ll always treat them both equally, biologically mine or not . I’ll always treat her the same as my biological Daughter. They are my world & I’m incredibly proud of them both. Particularly the eldest , she’s come such a long way & she’s grown so much in confidence . I’m so proud & privileged to be able to say that I’ve been able to , play the role of Mother to her .

Happy Blogging .

Love Becky xx

September 2015 Part oneΒ 

I doubt I’ll ever do this again, but it was pretty grim when i took an overdose. It’s not the 1st time I’ve done it , but this time was definitely the worst . I came very close to requiring a liver transplant, it was definitely the scariest one & something I would recommend not doing .

The hot sweats , the gurning of the mouth , vomiting constantly for 72 hours , my vomit was black in colour & due to the frequency of the vomiting, my throat was incredibly sore too . The most frustrating part was ,when I had just laid down & had just got comfy , & then I’ll be throwing up again , up down, up down , sitting up , throwing up , laying back down & no less than 10 minutes later , up and down again . The black sick also had some blood in it , which left my throat incredibly sore , so of course I didn’t eat either, as I found it pretty much impossible to eat .

So after arriving at A&E & waiting for four hours for my blood results , it was confirmed that my paracetamol levels were really high , it didn’t help that I had done it before , as my body was already weak , weak doesn’t come close , I was feeling so incredibly weak , that I just can’t explain it .

I was put on Two drops 1 at 1st to flush all the toxins out , & a fluid drip as i wasn’t eating or drinking. My partner visited me every day which I was grateful for, but I’ve never felt so ill in my life . I so could of easily been transferred to the liver Unit in Leeds , had me or my partner left it any longer .

I was in the hospital for about 5 days . After all the treatment was finished , two professionals from the mental health crisis team came to see me for an assessment, and the conclusion from this assessment was that I would be placed on a Section 2 , & that happened with an immediate effect . I was very scared when the lady came to my Hospital bed to tell me this piece of information, particularly as she had stated that , the nearest bed could quite possibly not local at all , which is a great fear & a scary thought , especially when it comes to visitors, as my partner doesn’t drive .

After a short while the lady came back to my bed & delivered the news that we was fearing , the nearest unit was in Ormskirk, a little village near Liverpool. And I was to go there straight away , my partner came with me on the hour or so journey , in the designated patient transport , just before heading off though I was frantically trying to google the transport links to Ormskirk, but to no avail . It was a very nervous & apprehensive journey .

I arrived at the unit & after having a chat with a nurse , the same Β lady who told me the dreaded news , that i am now detained under the mental health act Β , under a Section 2 , the kind lady also gave my boyfriend a lift back home .

To be continued ….


So frigging scared right now πŸ™ˆπŸ˜“

Dear Bloggers below is one of my recent tweets from Twitter 

@Bipolar_BPD: #Acceptance that my #mentalillness has robbed me of #Motherhood but that the light is still inside me , is the hardest thing to #Accept “. And these are my two babies ☺️❀️☺️ , & this is the ride of Bipolar & Pregnancy & Emotionally Unstable Borderline Personality Disorder …

  
  
Love Becky 

P.S

Keep Smiling β˜ΊοΈβ˜€οΈβœŒπŸΎοΈ

Proud Mummy Moment 😊 xx

Can’t believe she’s a month old already it goes so quick. She’s turning her head & she’s started to smile & she’s been lifting her head up for the past week or so now . She’s doing really well & is very advanced for her age considering she should only b about a week old now . She’s gorgeous I’d do anything for her I nvr want to let her go wen I’m holding her πŸ™‚ xx

  

Can’t believe how much I’ve achieved & how much my life has changed forever since becoming a Mum , it really is life changing but yet oh so rewarding πŸ‘ΆπŸ˜ŠπŸ‘Ά

Happy blogging 

Love Becky & Baby πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘ŒπŸ˜Š

  

Happy Mothers Day πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘©πŸ˜Š

Happy Mothers Day Everyone πŸŽ‰πŸ˜ŠπŸŽ‰ hope u have all had a lovely day ….

And for those of u whose mothers/daughters aren’t with them , then I still hope u celebrated Mothers Day in your own special way , Happy Mothers Day xxxx

ο»Ώο»Ώ

Happy blogging 

Love Becky 😊😊